Wednesday, December 31, 2008

new year, happy

Our Michael Scott/David Brent-esque boss was just in my office. He leaned against the blinds while chatting convivially with us and made this giant dent. We call it the Bill Dent.

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In other what's-entertaining-Stephanie news, here’s Kathy Griffin on Anderson Cooper



and Sandra Lee’s gross Kwanzaa cake. Merry new year one and all.

Friday, December 26, 2008

random

I have this random realization, but I'm more convinced of it lately. It's amazing how many disappointing people are out there, and they're hardly ever who you'd initially peg as being like that. And too much of the time they are downright terrible. It sucks to think someone could be terrible but in a lot of ways you are doing yourself a favor when you can realize it. And they would never say they're terrible, they're usually people who think they're really pretty great and in on something. It's a sad realization but I think being aware of it brings you closer to the truth and helps you to protect yourself. A weird and happy and also random realization I've had too is that a lot of people you wouldn't have initially thought of as being that special turn out to be incredibly wonderful. It's amazing to find these people who are safe and nurturing, it makes me feel like someone is looking out for me.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

christmas in the south

My friend Tara from high school sent me these pictures. She's home in Arkansas for Christmas and took a picture of the tree her mom sets up in her room every year. It's one of 11 in the entire house and I asked her to photodocument all of them. She said she's on it, and here are the upstairs trees. It makes me miss Christmas back home!

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merry

Behold, he makes all things new. Joyeaux noel!

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Saturday, December 20, 2008

blah blah blog

The news is saying to stock up on emergency supplies cause of the impending snowstorm. I hate the news. The news is such a dick! I hope they're lying again and I can still drive and get coffee. Cause that's all I really want to do anyway. Well I guess I could walk to get coffee. Okay, never mind. Carrie was cracking me up, she said "I want to be the first person in my office to remark forebodingly, 'It's snowing.'"

Tonight I made play-doh (green, for Christmas you know), then I made one-pot chicken and rice, then I made marshmallows but I made those after the kids were in bed because I just know they would not get out of my space while I was making marshmallowy goodness. Wow, what other things can I bore you with? Are you still reading? I want this headboard from the evil empire of Wal-Mart.

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And this conedog pillow that Jen told me about!

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And hey look at this glass. I have no idea how to find it. That article is pretty interesting though.

I heard Adam Carolla talking about the kid named Adolf Hitler and how they wouldn't write it on the birthday cake, and he said "Why wouldn't they write it? Your name could be Penis Mc-N-word and I would write it on the cake." PENIS MC N WORD!! HAHAHA!

Friday, December 19, 2008

the choice of rick warren

**THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG HAVE CHANGED SINCE IT WAS WRITTEN. THESE ARE DETAILED IN THE COMMENTS. -Ed.**

I know a lot of people are mad about Rick Warren being chosen by Obama to do the invocation. I can really understand that, because Rick Warren opposes gay marriage and that is interpreted as very unloving and bigoted by people who are gay. And I can absolutely understand that. But I feel like it's an okay move. I think Obama is showing some diplomacy and fairness with this, because a lot of the country doesn't agree with gay marriage and I think this could be a beautiful way to be diplomatic towards the other side. The laws will turn around on gay marriage and it will become legal, I'm not worried about that. They made interracial marriage legal and they'll make gay marriage legal too before long, and rightfully so. God's will won't be thwarted by a law, if anyone is concerned about that. Obama's being strategic and in the political arena you're going to really hack some people off, but I think he's sacrificing some battles to win the war, like they said in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. The movie, not the song. I'm sure you knew that though.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

inclement weather policy

Getting to work today involved pre-dawn walking through snow drifts and getting on the 6:10 bus into Seattle which was crawling sorta slowly but we made it. Once we were downtown though the buses weren't going up the hill so I walked up it. I saw cars spinning around in circles and careening through intersections. That added some excitement to my resentment for the cold and the incline. I'm sitting here watching huge flakes fall down and it's so pretty and magical but I'm definitely a grown-up cause I've got my mind on how to get home and stay out of the snow as much as possible. Once I get home I'm making peppermint marshmallows with red swirls in them for the kids (I got the peppermint swirl idea from Tiffany) and also dark hot chocolate to put them in. This is my snow day policy.

Oh! So yesterday Shari was listening to this radio show she listens to every day called the Men's Room, she loves it and has met the guys at events and stuff. So she was saying "Steve is talking about his wife and I just wonder if she's black or white. He's talked about her before but he hasn't said of course, and I'm just curious because he's black. I'm thinking maybe she's not black though because he says she has a flat booty." I said "I'll email and ask him for you" and she loved that. So I emailed this to Steve:

Dear Steve.

You've talked about your wife Betsy a couple of times and we can't tell if she's black or white. We think that maybe she's not black because you've said her booty isn't that big and also, her name is Betsy. Come on. But you did say she looks like she's smuggling two bald men under her shirt (on your first date, remember?) and so that makes us think she's a white chick with implants.

Please guide me.

Love always,
stephy
So within 30 minutes I got this email back from him:

Well, her boobs are real, but she's Jewish/ Catholic. Jews don't consider themselves white, so whatever. Anyway, she's not black, but I'm not one of those people who cares about such things.
I tried to reply and ask him another annoying question but he had BLOCKED ME! My email came right back and said that doman was set to reject my emails. Shari said "Are you really surprised?"

Look at these old people rapping in a church choir! I like the Hey Ya part best. No wait, I like Hot In Here (Herre? Herrre?) best.

Monday, December 15, 2008

funniest thing i've seen in nine hundred years!!!!

fa la la la la

Look how cute Joel McHale is with his baby boy on Keith Olbermann.



How come everything I want is so expensive? It sucks. For Christmas all I mainly want is these running pants for cold weather and of course they're like $89. I'd almost rather have some Seven jeans for that, or half a pair rather. And I want this running shirt that wicks (that word is funny) but also keeps you warm and of course that is like $45. Dammit. Other than that though, all I really need is a good book and I'm happy. Happy happy happy. (Okay, and maybe this sweater.)

Today my boss is wearing his super amusing American flag sweater. In a meeting this morning I wrote down some of his quote for Shari since she's not here, and we think he's hilarious without meaning to be. Here are some of the things he said with great seriousness:

"I may have forgotten, for which I apologize if I did. My apologies."

"Take a look at the symptomology and diagnosticity."

"I want to answer that question definitively for you."

"I may not have been as precise as I should have been."

"We will make it unequivocal."

Friday, December 12, 2008

10 years today

10 years ago today David and I got married in Wichita Falls, Texas. I love you Davy!

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wieners

Okay, so, please don't judge me. By no fault of my own, I maintain, I found this link to a book called The Big Penis Book. It's a French something or other book on the history of big wieners. I think it imagines itself to be art and doesn't think it's straight up dirty or anything, but it's not something you want lying around the house when you have small children underfoot. Well, I guess a book on wieners has to be at least a little bit dirty. Why am I trying to justify this?? So I found it mentioned in the NY Times and went to see if it was a joke, but they do have it at Amazon. The site doesn't have pictures but here is a review:

Oh dear. I am a 70 year old woman and I just happened across this big penis book in my son's room. My son is 45 years old and still single. I think he might be gay. That said, his big penis book is now in my room under my bed. So now my 45 year old single son is probably gay and angry. Well, he should get a job anyway or at least go find some real penis and stop reading about them in books like this. Good Lord this is a big penis book. And I love a big penis. And so does my son, apparently. I give this book ten thumbs up. I can't believe I never knew he was gay. He should get a job. Maybe as a dancer. Anyway, if you like a big penis, you will like this big penis book. Lord there are big penis's in this book. I mean big. Oh dear.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

simonegrass

I'll make this short. Last night Simone got to go-go dance onstage with Supergrass at Shepherds Bush in London. I'm so happy for her and also so jealous I could kill her. But here's a pic, she's on the right.

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No idea who took this, thanks to whomever did and posted it. Same with this crappy video! For diehard fans only.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

disappointment

I took my 4 hour credentials exam today and found out I didn't pass. I came close though, which is a little consoling and then it makes me mad. I just hate that all that studying I did was time away from my kids that I'll never get back. And now I have to do more of it. So that's what's hard about it for me, besides the fact that I feel like I'm not smart at things like this and suck ass at standardized tests. (At standardized everything.)

I want to let myself be sad about it. I can't retake it for 90 days minimum which is very good. I just won't think about it for a month and I'll focus on Christmas around here. And painting our room with chalkboard paint and getting a rad headboard and all white bedding. That is my new plan. Stan.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

december so far

Lighting the first candle of Advent
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Making the gingerbread house
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Macy's window
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Friday, December 5, 2008

the kids' letters to santa

Here is what they had me write:

From the 3 yr old:
Dear Santa,
I want to have something for Christmas that is a dolly, and a bear that is pink and his name is called Beary and his last name is Isabel, and I really want a Barbie toy and a pony and she named [sic] is Nesso Nessa. And I want a big stroller for my dollies with fishies on it, and another bear that is purple with two names, Isabel Drury. And I probably want a Barbie toy that has a horse. And I really want another bear that's blue. And I want a pink sweater and that's all. The end.
Love, R.

From the 6 yr old:
Dear Santa,
I want to get a Wii and a remote controlled helicopter that's about five feet tall. And a snowboard and an electric guitar with "amplers" (amplifiers). And I would like a singing gingerbread house and a Chinese flag and a little toy airplane that I can fly in that can fit four passengers. I want to get a Lego rollercoaster set and a tv and a BB gun and a fog machine. The end.
J.

my favorite parts from 'elf'



Monday, December 1, 2008

facebook statuses (stati?)

Nathaniel just sent me this hilarious message.

I have a weird facebook "friend" who supposedly went to my highschool, but I don't remember her. There's no pic of her, only a flower. She writes odd entries on her wall and says she wants to be a poet, but writes the worse Hallmark-style verse. Anyway, her current entry:

"Lori is upset with her husband micah. he yelled at me today, and he told me that he doesn't care about me or my diabtetes." (her spelling)

I'm just not sure facebook is the place. Is she hoping to get people to comment? "I'm sure you can work it out, girl!" "OMG What a jerk!"

That got me thinking, I should start writing stuff like that on mine and see what happens!

"Nathaniel is mad at his wife Tanya for farting in bed and eating all the Dots."

It could be fun.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

why the fear re: gay marriage?

My friend Benjamin posted this and he stated my feelings pretty exactly.



I just don't get this. Why are these parents so afraid to talk to their seven year old about gay marriage? If my 6 year old came home from school talking about a book called "King and King", about two princes who married each other, I would consider that a priceless opportunity to talk about homosexuality and heterosexuality--about human sexuality, about safe bodies, about wise choices, etc. etc. Because to me this is a huge difficulty/danger zone for people in general, and the problems/dangers aren't really about homosexuality vs. heterosexuality. The problems are about boundaries, and clear communication, and the long term results of short term choices, and so forth.

I wish my parents, or some caring adult, had been willing to talk openly with me about human sexuality when I was six and seven years old, and when I was 8 and 9 and 10 and 11 and 12. I think such conversations would have prevented a lot of problems for me.

Do you understand this? Can you enlighten me a little. I wish I could sit down with this couple and just ask them lots of questions. It sounds like they are ... afraid about something. I want to know what that is. I'm curious as to whether their fear is justified, and whether it is effectively directed (that is: I wonder if their fear is really about what they think it's about.). They also seem to be under the impression that they can protect their children. But I agree with Dan Allender. We can't protect our children, we can only enstory them. I wish that this couple would focus less on protecting, and more on enstorying. Or maybe they aren't afraid at all--maybe it's something else. They seem like a fairly reasonable, nice couple. I just don't get what they are talking about.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

gratitudinal list

Graditudinal List:

-waking up to my kids who have crept into our bed sometime during the night and they’re sleeping cuddled up together like bunny rabbits
-these rad boots from David
-the perspective of third-party observers
-hot running water
-my cashmere sweater that was $11 at Buffalo Exchange
-coffee and tea
-our couch
-running endorphins
-blog
-MAC Ruby Woo
-musicmusicmusic
-laughing regularly and exhaustedly at hilariousness from friends
-breaking the cycle
-having so many people I admire
-the way my little boy tells stories
-watching my little girl play mommy to her babydolls
-our wonderful upstairs neighbor
-thinking that living in Seattle is like living in the garden of Eden
-loving cloudiness (comes in handy here)
-David + ten years
-more amazing movies out there than I can keep up with
-texting
-acceptance
-Dave Eggers and M. Scott Peck
-Supergrass and Rachmoninoff
-In N Out burgers

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

you got a minute?

I love this clip of the guy doing all Beyonce's moves perfectly! I think Beyonce is preternatural, like a unicorn.



Next, here is a kitty squealing and squirming. I can't contain myself.



Next up: Music my dad likes. If he wasn't listening to Rush Limbaugh, he was listening to the Gaither Trio, Statler Brothers, or this guy.



Now here is Leslie Hall in a karaoke booth. I love how nonchalant that guy is. He reminds me of home.



Okay, here's my last favorite thing for today, this girl singing..."Secret Ambition" by Michael W. Smith! Ryan wasn't sure if it was funny or not. I think it is though.

If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Oh oh oh oh oh.

Monday, November 24, 2008

david's morning

David and Jona send each other stuff they write as a way to keep their writing mojo up, like having a goal. This is what David wrote Jona about what happened this morning.

"I was out working until 3:30 am. When I got back, my bed was full of sprawling Drury bodies, so I climbed into Judah's vacated bunk and pulled the little army sheets over my head. The alarm rang at 5:25 am, at which point I made Stephalie coffee and a lunch and rousted her from her roost and sent her ass packing off to the short bus. Then I climbed into the Stephanie-shaped bed hole and fell back asleep until 6:08 am, at which point both of the kids were awake and pissed off at each other something religious. Lolly was screaming like she was being scalped. Part of the problem is that there is no viable children's programming at 6:08 in the AM, which can only set the table for despair and ruined relationships.

I climbed back in bed at 6:12. I am asleep again when, at 6:17 Lolly is depositing a Chuck E. Cheese token into my ear. What does she want? Skee-ball tickets? No, through the tears and snot she demands food. I'm up, I'm rummaging. I set her up with an apple cup. 6:21 trying to slide back into sweet sleep, I hear the screaming again. 6:26 she's inconsolable and without pants (both qualities come straight from her mother's side of the gene pool) and she's politicking for me to "come upstairs and see what happened." What happened is that the apple cup spilled and when I did not come as called, she unleashed a hearty "revenge peeing" upon our carpets, which have already endured enough pain and suffering at the hands of team Drury Jr. to qualify for the job of Jesus on the Cross.

Back in bed at 6:32. Up to meet Fruit Loop demands at 7:28. Pleasant surprise--Judah has dressed himself, packed himself a lunch and donned his backpack. The bus doesn't come for another hour, but he lives in perpetual fear of missing it. I'm able to sneak in another 20 minutes of sleep before I have to send his ass packing on the short bus and forego any more sleep. Hello day!"

Friday, November 21, 2008

the snuggie

David says this is the gayest thing ever but I really want one!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

office hijinks

I found a stupid romance novel in the breakroom and I've been amusing myself by putting it in my grumpiest coworker's mailbox. I did that yesterday and this morning I found it in the trashcan! He threw it away! The nerve. So I wrote "PLEASE RETURN TO *his name*" on it and left in plain sight so hopefully someone else will give it to him. If it remains unreturned I might have to recruit someone.

So you know my friend Ryan? Ryan's emails make me laugh so hard I hack and wheeze in my chair and sometimes fall over. Just ask Shari! Here are some of his emails from the past few weeks that have made me cough and drool and convulse with laughter.

Entertaining Ryan email exhibit #1:
I used to post sign-up sheets in the break room for a staff movie outing to something stupid. Something like:

All staff movie outing to see Academy Award Winner, Hillary Swank in The Core. Please sign below if you are interested in going to the center of the Earth. [Then I would sign people's names.]

1. Adrian Jacobs
2. Matt Brians
3. Sally St. Johns Wart
4.
5.
Entertaining Ryan email exhibit #2:
Your stalker just handed you his contact information? That creeps me out more than his spilling the beans on his life. Buy some mace today. He might pop his head in your window and present your kids with more than contact information.
Entertaining Ryan email exhibit #3:
I went to the Halloween store to find a wig. It's such a depressing place with cheap, poorly-made clothes and stupid costume ideas. Plus, the one I went to had a special "fetish" section which housed all the sexy nurse and cat costumes, with what they called "improved sexy design". I think that's strange and when I see sexy nurse with improved sexy design I'm going to fart on her and give her my contact information. Hopefully that will teach her to buy cheap costume at the last minute.

Entertaining Ryan email exhibit #4:
(Ryan's letter he wrote to Always.)

Dear Always,

Your infinity pad came in the mail the other day and not a moment too soon! I excitedly tore into the package like a rabid badger, eager to try your latest product. I'm a huge fan of Always and don't trust anyone else when you-know-who comes to town.

When my live-in boyfriend overdosed, I was left to care for the step-children, which, as you can imagine, has been a real stresser in my life! As a result, my emotions have been up and down and my cycle right along with it. One minute it's whimsical and the next a plenitude of blood that could bring down an ape. I used to have to double, sometimes triple my panty protection fearing someone might point to an embarrassing blot on my pantsuit, exclaiming, "Ewwww, you're spotting on the ottoman!" I'm a hefty woman, I need a hefty pad.

The infinity pad has held up through and through, giving me peace of mind. Thank you Always. I have indeed, bought a ticket, put my period on a train and sent my heavy days packing once and for all!

Yours always,

LaShonda

Entertaining Ryan email exhibit #5:
I kinda want to work on the marketing team for some feminine or masculine or geriatric products. OOooo, what if I worked for Depends, adult diapers!! Wouldn't writing the copy be so fun? "Now you and your bowels are free! Depends. We've gotcha!" I have to think that someone at Always has a sense of humor. The "history" button on my work computer shows that I've been on Always.com a lot over the past few days. Did you see the infinity pad ads? Some had the pad made up like a bed and another had the pad standing on end with candles around it, like it's an altar or something. Makes me think that women take their periods very serious.

I'm happy you liked the letter. I was insecure that I wasn't striking the right tone. I don't really know all that much about ladies' boxes and the stuff in them. Did I tell you once at a bar with friends I said, "Okay, everyone has to draw a vagina. Then we'll see who's the most realistic." Mine looked like a tree with an big ear in the middle. Anyway, I'm happy you liked it and I won't punch myself and cry now.

Pads aside, has anyone ever put the "insertion" illustrations for a tampon on a shirt? I think they'd make great skater wear.

...just sayin'

-R

2
Ryan is on the right, this is when he surprised me and came up for my 26th birthday. Has it been that long?!

Monday, November 17, 2008

the entire obama interview

Here's the whole Obama interview on 60 minutes last night. I love 60 Minutes, I love hearing that ticking. It means Sunday night. But wait, usually Sunday night makes me depressed. Then why do I like that ticking?


Watch CBS Videos Online

Here's The Thing: That's My Pile of Ashes You're Sitting On!

Here is a rad entry on the election and Christians' reactions to it, written by a Christian in the south. Here's The Thing: That's My Pile of Ashes You're Sitting On!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

one of the new girls on snl

I forget her name and don't want to look it up right now but we'll all know it soon enough. Here she's doing her Kirsten Dunst impression. Ha ha!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

dermoid dalliances

Thanks to Jona I had the pleasure of google image searching the word "dermoid cyst." It's a cyst that has teeth and hair in it! I think I heard about those before, and then I strategically forgot about them.

Wikipedia says "Any teratoma near the body surface may develop a sinus or a fistula, or even a cluster of these. Such is the case of Canadian Football League linebacker Tyrone Jones, whose teratoma was discovered when he blew a tooth out of his nose."

I'll leave you with that. Night night!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Sunday, November 9, 2008

douchebag hair

There's an article in Details called Do You Have Douchebag Hair? and it was cracking me up. Here were some of their examples of douchebag hair & facial hair.


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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

how to repel friends and alienate people

I was studying (for my certification exam - that's another story) in Starbucks tonight before my therapy appointment. The song "Hallelujah" came on and some frat guys standing by the creamer station said "Hey, this is that song from Shrek! Who sings this? Yeah! It's the Shrek song!"

Well, I couldn't stand it because I think that song is sort of sacred so I said "Jeff Buckley sang the Shrek version but it's a Leonard Cohen song." One of the guys said "Cool!" and walked right into my personal space. "Hey, what are you studying?" I said "Um, respiratory system stuff." He said "I have some respiratory problems. Yeah, my lungs fill up with fluid." He was wearing a Hollister shirt and had blue hair. I said "That's gross." He was undaunted and said "Maybe we could talk about them after you're done with this?" I said "I can't, I have therapy." He looked a little scared and then I added for good measure, "Yeah. I'm a MESS!" He took a step back and then left without saying goodbye. hahaha!

Remember that for next time you want someone to leave you alone!

that's so gay

I thought I’d give two of my friends a voice here on my blog. My very dear friend Shane is a single parent who has adopted three foster kids. His kids and mine are best of friends and Shane is a wonderful dad. The kids came from severely abusive homes and Shane took them in and now they are thriving and it’s beautiful. So I feel emotional about Prop 8 because of our relationship with Shane’s family, and he is gay. I’m not a gay (I like to say “a gay”) so I can only imagine how they feel about this measure, and I can only imagine what is going to happen for the thousands of kids in foster care who will not be able to be placed in homes with gay parents, and will continue to be shuttled between foster homes and no sense of stability, all because of the passing of this law. My heart just hurts, physically aches for all of these children who will suffer from this. If you believe in prayer, please pray for them.

So today when Prop 8 passed Shane told me this (and said I could quote him):
Whose children are the beneficiaries of Prop 8? Not mine, that is for sure. Prop 8 makes certain that my children understand that their father is a second class citizen. This is no "moral victory" for lots of reasons. It is primarily a financial victory. I wonder if all those good Christians are going to still refer to Mormons as cultists? Prop 8 will pass because of the Mormon church's support, after all. I am also heartbroken and furious that Arkansas apparently voted to make it impossible for gay people to adopt kids (and probably then, not be able to be foster parents, too).
And here is Ryan's blog entry today. It makes me so sad that so many gay people feel like Christians hate them. I hear from both sides: I hear the Christians saying "we are pushing for Prop 8 to save families." I hear the gays saying "Why do they want to deny us this?" I can understand both sides, but I have to say that the Christians need to realize that God is bigger, if they do believe in God. (I say that because I know some agnostics/atheists are reading this.) He's bigger than a law. Love is bigger than all of this. What I take the Bible to say is don't worry about legislation nearly as much as you concern yourself with the basics. Love people. Why don't they feel loved by you? If you have love in your heart, reach out to them. They're wonderful. They're people and they were made in God's image. What if your children grow up to be gay? What will happen then? Hopefully you will not ostracize or judge them, you will be a safe haven for them! Jesus said that what you do to the least of them, you do unto him. Here's Ryan:
On the cusp of so much possibility for change, I have pause. Come Wednesday, Nov 5th I'm nervous I might greet the day with a frowny face knowing the Republicans will continue to drive us into the ground and that me and so many good people, that I love and respect, will continue to be dehumanized and treated as second-class citizens. The outcome of the next 30 hours are life-changing for many. I can't remember a time I've felt so affected by a campaign.

If you are in opposition to gay marriage I think it is important to (1) recognize where that opinion is coming from and (2) consider what living in life's margins would feel like. History shows America has not been kind or fair to women and minorities. Thankfully, those of us who realize we're being short-changed by society are mobilizing and turning the tide on social culture. And thank God, or today, women would not be able to vote, owning slaves would be commonplace and bludgeoning homosexuals would be a social norm. The right to marry, for me, is more of an issue of respect than anything else. It is easy to ostracize gays and lesbians and limit their rights if you first, disrespect and discredit them. There have been tremendous strides from 40 years ago, but we're not out of the woods yet. I, for one, think gay marriage is a necessary step to gaining national respect and ultimately allowing us to have a piece of the pie.

Stephanie put her two cents in on gay marriage, an issue I haven't had an emotional reaction to until this weekend. Her thoughts, a Christian perspective, are insightful and fair. As someone coming from a hurtful religious upbringing, I always appreciate someone who, regardless of background, if they have struggled in life's margins or have deep, emotional scars, is still able to love and think--but mostly just love.

Here's Stephanie:

I’ve been thinking about gay marriage lately because the California vote on it is going to take place soon. I think that if we live in a democracy, it should be legal. It’s not going to hurt straight marriages or God’s design of marriage. If God exists, his design can’t be thwarted by a law. What can man do to me? said the psalmist. Christians talk about anti-gay stuff and are very adverse to it, but I think they/we are missing the fact that God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah not because of the gayness and sodomy festivals and homo-olympics, it was because they didn't listen to him. And how often do Christians who have a major problem with gayness also not listen to God? How many of them run from relationship and being humble and being open and how many of us build this self-protective shell and fail to reach out and do good when it's in our power to do so? I feel so sad about all the energy being spent in the wrong place. I hate that I spent so many years doing that myself and I want so much to head towards truth and not keep going towards being self-righteous and defensive.

My comment to Stephanie's Blog:

I'm touched by your comments on gay marriage and a Christian perspective. Gays, in general, hate religion and the religious because they (we) think it hates us. I don't think anything is black and white and like knowing that there are Christians who have brains and recognize what is a social condition and what is a religious one (in terms of their feelings one way or another toward gay marriage). May I repost?

Stephanie's response to my comment:

Yes Rye you absolutely may repost! I'm so happy that you're touched by it because you're one of the most wonderful people I know and I hate that gays (whom I love) think religion hates them...because it basically does.God and religion are separate. Religion sucks. God is love and love conquers all. xoxoxo

really wonderful

This clip is really wonderful. Lots of graciousness and hope going around. *sniff tear!*

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

electoral votes

We're watching the electoral votes tally up on CNN. Right now McCain is about 43 and Obama is 179. Judah says "Yay! Obama is winning!" It's so cute.

I said to him "You know though, it doesn't matter who wins. It's fine to have opinions and to vote, but the Bible says that the king's heart is in the hands of the Lord."

Judah said "What it means by that?"

I said "It means that God is bigger than any man, even a president or a king."

He said "Oh. Good!"

i care! i care!

T minus 8 hours till it's over. I'm really calm and happy. What the heck? Usually I'm moaning about how I'm stressed and sad about something.

This effin election...

This one's for Joellen & Katie.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Sunday, November 2, 2008

jona's bad date

Jona just sent me a hilarious email and she gave me permission to post it.

***

HI!

I was on a date when you called. It was a bad and uncomfortable date. He talked to me like I was a retarded kid, and when I pointed that out, he said "That's weird...I worked with the mentally disabled for like 4 years..."

uhhhhhh.

ANYWAY I should have been at home under my 'lectric blanket.

He was clueless. But he was really cute and nice at first. But he would ask me what I liked to do, and I would tell him, and he would say, "That's GREAT, Jona! That's really good! Gooood!" Like he was encouraging a retarded baby.

There should have been cameras there. He had no game! He kept telling me he had to go to the bathroom so he could fart. Also, he asked me if I'd ever had an abortion. Also, he asked me if I want to be a mom.

Also...he used the word "pee pee" when referencing his dong.

Also, he referenced his dong.

I hope he didn't give me the clap.

I quit dating. It is a laugh factory right next door to a shit factory.

Barf,

-Jona

Saturday, November 1, 2008

my lisa is great when i can get it

I like bad movies. The holy grail of bad movies that I've found is The Room. Tommy Wiseau wrote, produced, and directed it. Tommy used to have a personal website where he uploaded photos and videos. This is one of those videos. (He's the one in the wifebeater.)

happy halloweenie

Right now I'm letting the kids eat Halloween candy for breakfast. I can't believe I'm doing this. They're being pretty cute, Lolly picks out the Lemonheads and Atomic Fireballs and gives them to Judah in exchange for Tootsie Rolls. Judah said "Lolly is the master of tootsie rolls!" and she said "Yeah! I'm the master!" People gave out full-size Snickers this year. FULL SIZE SNICKERS! I'm taking those for myself. I like to "tax" the kids' candy. Give them a little economics lesson. "When you get money, the government takes some of it. Just like I'm taking some of your candy."

Here we were shopping for pump-a-kins (as L calls them)

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And here is Judah's design on the left. Lolly just said I could make any kittycat I wanted.

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Here's my little fairy. "See how my skirt flies up when I jump!

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Friday, October 31, 2008

this came at the perfect time

A dear friend from back home sent me this email. It arrived just as I was on the verge of tears from the onslaught of anti-Obama stuff I get from conservative friends. This touched me so because it was my same feelings. I love you sweet friend! (anonymity protected to ensure her physical safety)

Stephanie, I just need to unload. With another displaced southerner. If ONE more person from my extended family or ONE more conservative christian friend sends me ONE more email about Obama being a baby killing terrorist I think I'm going to cut them off. I'm not kidding. I'm realizing that many of my peeps are soooooo much dumber than I thought. It is a sad and maddening fact. Thank you, my southern friend, for not being stupid. I love you.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

fox news girls are all hot. all of them. the same kind of hot though. you know?

Megyn Kelly doesn't seem like someone I want to hang out with...



Here's an article from The American Conservative about why this conservative guy is voting for Obama. Kinda interesting, to me anyway. And here's one more thing where NPR analyzes Obama's worldview. For whatever that's worth I thought it was interesting too.

And here are two other things I thought were interesting. If you have small children nearby maybe get them away from the screen. I pulled a muscle laughing about these. I'm going to hell, save me a seat.

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

national cupcake week

Yesterday I took the cherubs to Trophy. They have the s'mores cupcakes all week long in honor of National Cupcake Week. God bless America!

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

stalkstalkstalkstalk

Amy Sedaris was on Chelsea Lately! They're two of my favorites. I want to go to Target with them. And then have some bacon.



Okay and then, Lauren Conrad was on Letterman last night and he was so hilarious with her. He goes "It raises the question: maybe you're the problem. For a long time I thought geez, people are idiots. Then it occurred to me - is it possible that I'M the idiot? And it turns out I am! When you think it is maybe only one person that's hard to get along with, maybe that person is you?"

I like Michelle Obama. I would like to go to Target with her too.

In other news, I have a stalker. He's pretty low-key but I said hi to him on the bus last week and asked who he was carrying all the gerbera daisies for, and he was all "My name's Kevin! What's yours?" and wanted to shake. Within two minutes he was telling me how his mom died of breast cancer nine years ago but it's the anniversary of it and around this time of year it's still really hard for him. He is married and yet offered me a ride to work on Fridays when he usually drives...thank God I don't work Fridays. Then yesterday he was waiting for me (!) halfway to the bus stop. He was just stopped in the sidewalk and waiting for when I'd come down, then handed me a piece of paper with all his contact information on it. He seems harmless enough but wtf!

Monday, October 27, 2008

our weekend at the oregon coast

That's D & J way out there...

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...and again at sunset.

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I’ve been thinking about gay marriage lately because the California vote on it is going to take place soon. I think that if we live in a democracy, it should be legal. It’s not going to hurt straight marriages or God’s design of marriage. If God exists, his design can’t be thwarted by a law. What can man do to me? said the psalmist. Christians talk about anti-gay stuff and are very adverse to it, but I think they/we are missing the fact that God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrah not because of the gayness and sodomy festivals and homo-olympics, it was because they didn't listen to him. And how often do Christians who have a major problem with gayness also not listen to God? How many of them run from relationship and being humble and being open and how many of us build this self-protective shell and fail to reach out and do good when it's in our power to do so? I feel so sad about all the energy being spent in the wrong place. I hate that I spent so many years doing that myself and I want so much to head towards truth and not keep going towards being self-righteous and defensive.

That was heavy. Let's talk about Crocs. My dislike of Crocs is intense, and then I saw this and now it’s even more so! Holy mother of God, heeeeeelp!

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And this just in...my dear darling Trophy Cupcakes are on the cover of Seattle Magazine. They should actually be on the cover of Time, but maybe that isn't too far off.

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Thursday, October 23, 2008

gary the suicidal unicorn who works at office max

David was saying the other day that he couldn't think of anything to write and Jona told him "Why don't you write a story about a unicorn named Gary who works at Office Max. And also, he's suicidal." Suddenly David's writer's block was gone, I saw him bunker down and write this story, like, right away.


Gary The Unicorn
By David Drury

“Okay, people,” said Robert, scratching at the pleats in his khakis with a clipboard. He was the only one in the group of 15 not wearing a red Office Max vest.
“Let’s huddle up. I show 8 minutes to open. Are we all here?”
Outside, a few customers stood around checking their watches and peering inside at the employee gathering behind the checkout registers.
“Now, as we all know, Terry from regional…. Ashley, are you wearing anything under that vest other than cleavage? And is that glitter? This isn’t one of your rave concerts. Wash that stuff off.
“Terry from regional is going to be here this time tomorrow. We’ve all been on pins and needles for the last week here trying to get the store in order. We really need to wow ‘em on this one, gang. Regional is expecting to see marked improvement in our displays, and a clean, well-organized store as always. Now… wait. Who is missing? We’re missing somebody.”
From far down the mailing supplies aisle came the sound of air whooshing from a spray can before it clattered to the ground. Then there was an uneven clippety clop.
“Gary,” sighed Robert, shaking his head. The circle of red vests parted as Gary came around the corner.
“Sorry I’m late,” said Gary. “Traffic was crazy. I think there was an accident or something. Which is weird because I left extra early because I knew today was so important.”
“Were you huffing paint a minute ago?” asked Robert
“No way.”
“You’ve got silver paint around your mouth.”
“That’s part of my Halloween costume,” snorted Gary.
“Halloween was, like, a month ago,” said Ashley, licking her thumb and rubbing off the glitter.
“Traffic didn’t prevent you from stopping off at Starbucks along the way,” said Robin, rolling her eyes. “I had to shelve your shit for the last 45 minutes.”
“Well, no. I got this before the traffic jam. I needs me a pumpkin spice latte or I’m no good to anybody. Thanks for doing me a solid, Robin. We’re totally square now.”
Robert scowled and turned back to the group. “Alright folks. Jeremy, quit staring at Ashley’s glitter. You got the doors. Make sure you make eye contact and greet those people with a smile. Cashiers in your places. The rest of you know where you need to be. Gary, I want to see you in my office.”
Gary tossed his flowing white mane to one side and stamped his hoof. He followed Robert to the office.
Robert sunk into his leather office chair and swiveled nervously.
“Gary, do you remember what you were doing before I hired you to join our family here at Office Max?” Gary swished his tail and stared off into space.
“Filling out an application?”
“You were stocking shelves in a faux-hawk and studded white belt at Hot Topic. You had just gotten fired for smoking marijuana and playing Halo in the break room. I found you standing in the mall fountain crying your eyes out.”
“So.”
“I gave you a chance.”
“Is this about being late?”
“It’s about everything, Gary. Lack of punctuality. Bad attitude. Your hygiene issues have been showing up in the suggestion box.”
“Is that all?” Gary snorted, pawing at a flea with his front hooves, smearing it into the carpet.
“We’ve had complaints about someone making multiple copies of their genitals on the photocopier and taping them up in the loading bay,” said Robert.
“That was so Mike,” said Gary.
“It was your genitals, Gary. You don’t wear pants. We know what your genitals look like. Let me ask this. Is everything okay at home? Robin and Ashley both have raised worries that you have been cutting again.
“Ashley is a whore. Robin would be a whore, but she’s too fat.”
“We know what you think. We all read your blog Gary. Which is another thing. You really are crossing a line with the personal remarks about your coworkers, the fictional sexual escapades, and the pictures of you posing with firearms.”
“Why do you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you, Gary.”
“Why do you treat me differently.”
“You are a unicorn, Gary.”
Gary flared his nostrils. He whinnied and raised up on his back legs. He drove his head down, and with crushing force his horn found a file cabinet and bore it straight through it. Gary raised the creaking file cabinet off the ground. Papers and file folders drained from the metal wound, covering the floor. He tossed his head from side to side until he managed to throw the cabinet off into the wall with a crash.
“What do you want to do with your life Gary?” asked Robert, leaning back in his chair and twiddling a pen. Gary raised up a hind foot and put it through the wall behind him.
“I want to sell office products at affordable prices.”
“What else, Gary?” Gary stirred as if he might bolt through a wall.
“I’m working on a screenplay.”
“Right. What was that called?”
“Well,” Gary began, backing his hindquarters into a chair which creaked and exploded beneath him, “there’s Unitard: A Parapalegic Unicorn Learns to Dance Again. That’s a feature length. I’m sort of stuck on that one. So, currently I’m drafting a made-for-TV sort of thing called CSI: Unicorn.”
“Are the unicorns the killers or the crime-solvers?”
“Little bit of both, I’m afraid.”
There was a long pause. Gary began sniffling. Robert reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a handful of sugar cubes and tossed them into the air. Gary snapped them up.
“Nobody loves me,” Gary cried, tears forming in his great big eyes. He whinnied and wailed and let the sugary saliva run down his mouth and fall to the floor in great big drops.
“What makes you say that?” Asked Robert.
“When I go out for a smoke break, everybody leaves the smoking area.”
“That’s because they are tired of having to hold the cigarettes to your mouth.”
“What’s so bad about that?”
“You demand no less than half a dozen cigarettes at once. You wheeze and cough with each puff. And no one wants to have to help a unicorn smoke cigarettes. It’s just wrong. It’s like putting a condom on a clown.”
“Everybody puts me down. They ask me to make them a rainbow or grant them three magical wishes. It’s bullshit. That’s prejudiced. That’s racism.”
“But you can make rainbows, Gary. Granting magical wishes is what you do.”
“Yes,” said Gary with a hopeful air.
“So get out there and grant magical wishes,” said Robert. “Wear that vest with pride. Make rainbows in the forest of dreams. Rainbows of post-it notes and printer toner.” Gary straightened up and took a deep breath.
“And watch that horn around Kathleen. She does not like that. She’s a feminist, and she will press charges.”

epiphany

I felt like I had a breakthrough the other day. On Sunday morning we were late getting out the door to church as usual and I felt all pressured and stressed and sort of pissed off. Then I thought about how anger is always a secondary emotion so I thought "what is it that I'm actually upset about?" and I realized I was sad about being late because I was scheduled to help in the nursery and I didn't want to be late for that and disappoint Amy (who coordinates the church nursery). So I thought about that and just let myself be sad about it while I finished getting ready, and it actually felt sort of nice, me with my sadness, just sitting with it and accepting it and letting myself think about it. So I got the kids in the car in a calm and orderly fashion when usually I would be being huffy and bossy and "come ON, we're LATE!" about it all. But we were able to get out the door all calmly and have a happy drive there.

This was big for me because my growing up was marked by rushing around and being late and us all blaming each other. Now I feel like I have one more tool towards turning the tide in my own little family.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

on a steel horse i ride

Text messages between David and me today -

Me: Hi! How were the kids this morning?
D: Hi! Kids were grumpy.
Me: Oh no, how come?
D: Didn't like the cereal offered. Or pants. Worried about being late to bus. Worried about Barack Obama's correct address. Poopy and fighting.

I have a lot of videos that made me happy today, wanna see? First, the Daily Show segment on Wasilla!



Then, Jon Stewart explains why he said what he did about Sarah Palin.



Here is McCain roasting Obama at the Alfred E. Smith dinner. I was loving both McCain and Obama so much during these speeches. Here’s Obama doing his roast [part 1 and part 2]

Then here’s a Curb Your Enthusiasm clip that Aaron sent. Holy not suitable for work! You’ve been warned.

And lastly here’s an article by Frank Schaffer Jr called Frank! As A Former Pro-Life Leader How Dare You Support Pro-Choice Obama?

Monday, October 20, 2008

my son dictated this letter

My son said he really wanted to write a letter to Barack Obama so he dictated it and I wrote it. (A couple letters didn't show up on the edge but you get the idea.)

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He's sweet. I'm proud of him.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

detroit is crying

RIP Levi Stubbs. I heard bits of this song every day while watching Nickelodeon from 1984 - 1987 and a commercial came on for a TimeLife motown compilation. I always waited for the snippet of this song to come on. I love it.

Friday, October 17, 2008

by ryan

I realize that half of what I post is direct quotes from thoughtful, hilarious people I admire. In the spirit of consistency, this is from Ryan:

---
My scary, Right-Winged Uncle is at it again. Here's the latest email blast to the family:

Subject: Fw: : Dr. Jack Wheeler Regarding Obama.

Do a Google search on Jack Wheeler and you will find some very interesting reading.

Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Regan's strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars race and expose their inner weakness. For years he wrote a weekly intelligence update that was extremely interesting and well structured and informed. He consults(ed) with several mega corporations on global trends and the future, etc. I think he is in semi-retirement now. He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense approach to everything. He is also a somewhat well known mountain climber and adventurer.

Dr. Jack Wheeler Regarding Obama

Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler

The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the world works, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real substance.

He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which he pretends he is
exclusively.

What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American,' the descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab ancestors were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.

Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.

It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil of being white.

Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd.

Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.

His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.

Pass this on to every thinking American you know!


Ryan's response to all:


This Jack Wheeler email is filled tripe and is so troubling to me. I find the xenophobic culture behind Wheeler's shaky claims meant to assassinate Obama's character offensive and very disappointing. Statistics show that, on the whole, Americans are afraid of what goes on outside of U.S. borders more than we've ever been. Largely due to Bush's presidency, America is a more polarized nation than ever and really needs someone who can unify us, not cause us to fear our neighbors.

Wheeler, and McCain's campaign for that matter, are desperately trying to play on voters' fear of otherness and peg Obama as non-American or to be more specific, an Arab. Obama is not an Arab and doesn't identify as one. So what? Name and ancestry have little if anything to do with this presidential campaign unless, as Wheeler infers, it is more important that we fear and reject any candidate deemed non-American rather than examine their character and candidacy.

Playing Obama up as someone who does not have American's best interests at heart is unfair, unsubstantiated and a dishonor to his years fighting just get a seat at the table in a country that would allow him, and many minorities like him, to do so. I would challenge you to continue your research but don't lose sight of what is truth, what is false and what is political terrorism meant to play on your fears. It seems all McCain and his more desperate, curmudgeon supporters, like Wheeler, can do lately is smear Obama's character--a sophomoric tactic not uncommon in politics or school yards.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

signage! signage!

The other day I was laughing about when Gregg was saying Dave Navarro was going to be a judge on the new Gong Show and he went: "His whole LIFE should be gonged."

Gregg said I could post his letter to Marriott if it would help keep them from distributing their evil brand of signage. Let's join forces to keep this form of evil from perpetuating itself! I was dying laughing that he actually wrote the letter, then the Marriott guy wrote back and I'm dying laughing all over again!

From: Gregg Turkington
To: Marriott Courtyard
Date: Tuesday, Oct 14, 2008 13:34:22
Subject: Courtyard by Marriott Do Not Disturb signs

I travel upwards of 100 nights a year and am a huge fan of Courtyard by Marriott. While I stay in almost all the various chains in my travels, I always recommend Courtyard as the single most consistent hotel brand out there...it is completely reliable, with no deviation in quality from location to location. I love it! In fact, in many cities, I often prefer the Courtyard by Marriott hotels to the Marriott flagship brand hotels. In any case, I wanted to make a complaint about your new "Do Not Disturb" signs. I guess some foolish consultant there decided that a simple "Do Not Disturb" was not flashy enough, because at my recent stay at the Courtyard at the Knoxville airport, I found that the signs now read "I need Me time" or something to that effect. How obnoxious! I am not Paris Hilton, or Dr. Phil, or some spoiled narcissist. I'm just trying to sleep! The notion of "Me time" is not cute, nor funny, nor charming. It's just annoying. Do you really think that the average Courtyard customer speaks that way? I somehow doubt it. Is it really "Me time" to simply want to sleep without being disturbed? Ditch the "Me time" garbage and bring back the trusty and inert "Do Not Disturb" signs. (And incidentally, the new signs didn't work--the maid knocked on my door in the morning while I was trying to sleep.)


From: Fred Bullard
To: Gregg Turkington
Date: Oct 16, 2008 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: Courtyard by Marriott Do Not Disturb signs

Dear Mr. Turkington :

I want to take the time to thank you for choosing the Marriott Courtyard for your overnight travel to the Alcoa area. The Courtyard team has done extensive research into our future direction and brand voice. I would not totally disagree with your observations at this time. However, I know that with time I may change my mind concerning our new direction and our new signage including the Do Not Disturb sign which we just received. Finally , I apologize for our room attendant who missed the new signage and disturbed you during your stay.

Sincerely
Fred Bullard CHA
General Manager
Courtyard by Marriott Alcoa Airport

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and my results are in

How to Win a Fight With a Conservative is the ultimate survival guide for political arguments

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

I just saw that url at the bottom of the quiz for fightconservatives.com and I'm not really interested in fighting conservatives, it would just be so nice for us all to get on some common ground, just a bit of it, and empathize with and hear each other. God, doesn't that sound so hippy-dippy? But I think my big problem with conservative thought is that most of them will hear none of what I think and they seem to think it's invalid. They seem to think that the fact that I used to identify myself as right-wing and now that I don't, well, they don't find that remarkable at all or want to ask me questions about how I came to that place. I don't even necessarily want them to agree with me, I just want them to listen and entertain my thoughts because they're valid, and I want to hear their stories and be a good listener to them because they way that they came to their decisions is important too. I think that we all could agree on a whole lot more if we weren't so bi-partisan but it's human nature isn't it...and here I am perpetuating it with a 'fight conservatives' link, so I want to disclaim that if I can at all. Anyway, what I think is so important about hearing each other on this (and on everything) is that our own stories inform the way we interperet things. And my story is that I come from abuse and neglect in an extremely Christianity/churchianity-informed home and I now work in public health and I see so many heartbreaking cases due to poverty and abuse and people falling through the cracks due to lapses in the system and my heart aches and aches for these people all day long. SIGH. I really want to learn to grieve well what I've suffered though. I don't want to be angry at The Man (for me, the Man is sort of the big emperor of chuchianity who has no clothes); I want to grieve for the little girl I was. I think if I can do that I will move towards being free of misplaced anger and getting more at truth. Hmm.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

me time

Simone: Gregg stayed in a Marriot Courtyard last night and he's writing them a letter of complaint because the Do Not Distub sign said "Do Not Disturb, I'm Having Me Time" on it!

Me: I bet while Gregg had his Do Not Disturb, I'm Having Me Time sign on his door, the people walking by thought "That guy staying in there is probably in his bathrobe with a towel wrapped around his head and cucumber slices on his eyes, and he's listening to a tape of whale sounds and ocean waves, and he's chanting affirmations to himself."

Simone: HAHAHAHAHAHA! I just read that out to him and he looked HORRIFIED and said "I think SO! That's why I don't like it!" The idea of people thinking that of him really freaked him out.

Me: I found some more Embassy Suites do not disturb signs:

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Simone: Those are SO bad! I don't ever want to stay at the Embassy Suites now. I use to like them! I started reading them to Gregg and he was so horrified that he came over here to see it with his own eyes. I told him we should always have a marker on hand to cross these things out and maybe write something else and then he said he DID cross that out about the "me time"! He crossed it out and circled the "Do No Disturb" and the maid knocked anyway!

wednesday

I'm watching YouTube videos of Santino on Project Runway when he'd imitate Tim Gunn. It just doesn't get any funnier than that. It makes me feel way better! "Designers? Look out for Andrae. He's our little lamb." "Now Andre, stop hiding. I know you're in here."



I'm also in love with this bit where Zach Galifianakis interviews Michael Cera.



Shari took pictures yesterday of Jose drawing a pumpkin on my orange underwears. He was in here for his afternoon nap and saw I had on orange knickers (it's okay, he's very very gay) and said he wanted to draw a Pumpkin of the Loom on them. You can see my back and how ghostly white it is and it looks like a white t-shirt, but no, that's my back skin.

Oh, and yesterday Carrie said the septic system at her work broke and also on the same day the Chicago version of Carrie, Jona, said HER septic system at work broke TOO! It's like they're each other's doppelgangers. They will meet one day. Oh yes they will.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

my october mix

I finished it! Going to bed now.

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Monday, October 13, 2008

'rock abama

The kids are interested in Barack Obama. We try not to say much about politics one way or the other but when we have the news on the kids ask about who is who and what they want the country to do. They say "but which way is the right way?" and I'm always saying "Well it depends on how you look at it. I think everyone wants to look at it the right way but different people have different ways of thinking about it." I hope that sort of sums it up without creating too much bias for them? Judah is way into presidents these days, especially Abraham Lincoln. Lolly calls him Hammerham Linkin. Today Lolly insisted on writing a letter to Barack Obama (Rock Abama, she says it) and putting a stamp on it and mailing it. The letter said, "Dear Rock Abama. I like you. I like you when you stand on the stage."

I guess Dave Matthews is back in town? I got this text from Carrie today.

Carrie: Dave Matthews just apologized to me for his daughters almost running over my toes with their bikes.

Me: Did you do a zany dance and play your air fiddle?

Carrie: Of course! And I said "it's ok, they didn't CRASH INTO ME."

We're dorks.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

PG porn

This is hysterical, it's called "PG Porn." Maybe don't watch it at work and not when kids are around, but it is pretty PG.

Friday, October 10, 2008

therapist aka TheRapist

Is it kosher to share my counselor's website? I'm not violating any kind of privacy code, am I? I don't think I am and I wanted to share it. She finally got her site up, you might be interested in what she says about her philosophy. Or you may not be that interested, no pressure...here it is. Let me know if I'm being unethical sharing this somehow, I really don't think I am but I'll take this down if someone hollers.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

dump a lings!

Hi! How are you. That's good. Tonight I am happy because we went to Fu Man's Dumpling House in Greenwood and had noodles and dumplings made from scratch and I got to hear Lolly pronounce it "dump-a-lings" many times. Stephy recommends it all. And I'm excited about this article about Supergrass and how they're done with their dumb label. I am so mad at their label for not promoting them more.

This cracked me up, my friend Margaret posted this at her blog.
After getting some of my problems out of the way, I started talking with Doris. She is an incredibly cute Asian woman who I absolutely adore. I love her accent & her choice of words. She starts telling me about how stupid people are when it comes to traversing the new roundabout near her home. She told me about the time a rude man was in the wrong lane, but he thought she was in the wrong lane so he beeped at her & gave her the middle finger while her kids were in the car. But those were not her words. These were:

"So he starts fingering me! I was like, 'Yeah buddy! I should be fingering YOU' Can you believe he starts beeping at me and fingering me? Fingering me while me kids are in the car!"
People are all mad about the unretouched picture of Sarah Palin on the cover of Newsweek, you gots to see this.

some quotes

Why love when losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore, only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I have been given the choice: as a boy, and as a man. The boy chose safety; the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal. — C.S. Lewis

I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are your secrets. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it is to be human. — Frederick Buechner

We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer. — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It is important to tell our secrets too because … it makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about. — Frederick Buechner

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? — Kahlil Gibran

We wake, if ever we wake at all, to mystery, rumors of death, beauty, and violence. — Annie Dillard

Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. — Eileen Mayhew

We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full. — Marcel Proust

I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. — Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

go away, bowling. go away!

Carrie:
"I hate to bowl and it hurts my arm. Seriously I have heard this repeatedly from my coworkers: "What do you MEAN you're not going to bowl?? Carrie, you HAVE to bowl! It's going to be so fun! Bowl with us!!!!" Jesus. I just wanna go play video games."
Me:
"I hate bowling TOO! It's NOT FUN at ALL! It hurts, just like volleyball does."
Carrie:
"Bowling is a combo of so many awful things:
-awkward positioning of ass for all to see
-constant anticipation of upcoming turn
-slippery ill-fitting shoes
-assholes who have been good at these kinds of things all their lives delighting in your ineptitude
-pressure to do entertaining victory dances
-discomfort for the frail of arm, that strong-armed people do not understand or tolerate
-general existential angst

Good things about bowling:
-clonking sounds
-making up funny names for people on scoreboard
-fun neon lights
-beer
-nachos

look at this email i got today

I got this today from my friend from high school. He doesn't understand how I could like Barack Obama.

"I'm worried about you Stephanie. I love you and I'm worried. I think you are missing Jesus too. Please know that I'm a horrible disgusting person and I'm not saying you should do anything like me. I'm saying you have been placed on my heart and I love you dearly."

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

audrey hepburn used to eat frozen tulip bulbs

Yesterday someone was saying to me that every fall she plants tulip bulbs, and she thinks about how they need to get through the winter in order to bloom and be beautiful. If they're not buried in the dirt then they don't have a chance of surviving, that's how they soak up the nutrients, when they're buried in the freezing ground. I loved, loved the allegory. Is that cheesy enough foryou? Well, I think it's sort of awesome.

Look at this article about McCain. Interesting, that.

And now for the cutest squirrel ever!!

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quote

“If we get our very identity, our sense of worth, from our political position, then politics is not really about politics, it is about us. Through our cause we are getting a self, our worth. That means we must despise and demonize the opposition.” -- Tim Keller

Monday, October 6, 2008

weekend

On the ferry to Ft Flagler

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That's the bridge we have to cross?

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Port Gamble is like "The Village." It's so perfect it's creepy.

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The weather was perfectly gray and fall-y and super windy, loved it.
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My weird reading itenerary.

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We went down in the bunkers at night. Very Blair Witch, super creepy and awesome.

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Want more?

ghetto spongebob

This is really, really not-PC but that's how I roll. I got this forward today titled "Ghetto Spongebob found in New Orleans."

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Thursday, October 2, 2008

ryan's mom

Ryan is killing me! Here's a conversation he had with his mom.

Mom: Ooo, Ryan, I'm so charged up about Sarah Palin. I was so impressed by her speech.
Ryan: (audible gagging) URRH! Blech! I was afraid you'd say something like that. I think she's the devil. She'd make a terrible, TERRIBLE Vice President.
Mom: No she wouldn't. She's a Christian!
SCENE
....

yargh

See, this is the whole reason why YouTube exists. I used to play the flute too but I sure hope no videos of it surface.



I don't know why I care so much about the election, I'll be glad when it's over. But in the meantime here is Katie Couric talking to Joe Biden and then Sarah Palin about Roe v. Wade.

Once this damn VP debate is over with I hope I'll stop posting dumb political video clips.

PS - this fake Sarah Palin facebook page is totally cracking me up!

Monday, September 29, 2008

yesyesyesyes

nononono

Here is a 1 minute 30 second video of Sarah Palin talking to Katie Couric.


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